Broken Up Inside
by Marnielynn
Summary: Post Leave it to Beaver


Veronica: I was hoping it would be you.

Logan: Veronica…

_He says it almost like a sigh. They reach for each other seemingly in slow motion and embrace. They kiss an endless kiss. They don't open their eyes or stop kissing as he backs her into the apartment._

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Veronica: Damn!

_She slams her hand down on the alarm clock with a vengeance. _

Veronica: (V/O) That was the good part.

_She tries to get back to that exact place but the dream is already fading away as she opens her eyes and stares at her ceiling. _

Veronica: (V/O) It's always the same dream. Well, it starts out the same but it has plenty of variations. Sometimes he yells at me and lists all the ways I have ruined his life. Sometimes I yell back and try to make him understand. Other times, like tonight, there are no words. But it's always him. I guess that's the only time I allow myself to think of him when I'm half asleep and vulnerable. During the day I fill up every second with work, my dad, Wallace, or Duncan. I don't let myself slow down for one minute because it hurts too much to think of the "what-ifs".

Veronica: (V/O) And then there's Duncan. He was the one who actually came over that night. I was so happy to see him. It felt so right to be with him. It is what I'd been waiting for. We didn't talk much that night because I was exhausted but he held me while I slept. In the morning he told me what his intentions were.

**Flashback**

_Duncan and Veronica are lying on the couch. Duncan is obviously awake and thinking hard. Veronica stirs and opens her eyes. Duncan kisses the top of her head and gives her a squeeze._

Duncan: (softly) Hi sleepyhead.

Veronica: (drowsily) Hi.

Duncan: Veronica, I've been thinking...about…us. I want you to know that I…I want you to be my girlfriend again. I know we can't take back the past two years but I…I love you, I always have and I want to be with you.

_A single tear falls from Veronica's eye._

Duncan: (obviously distressed) I'm sorry. I've upset you.

Veronica: No it's…it's just that I have wanted you to say those words for so long that…

_He leans down to give her a tentative kiss on the lips. The kiss deepens for a few seconds and then Veronica pulls away._

Duncan: What is it?

Veronica: I want this, don't get me wrong but somehow it's gotten so complicated. We haven't really spent any time together in the last two years and a lot has changed. We've changed. (She looks down and says quietly) There are other people involved now.

Duncan: Like Logan?

Veronica: And Meg.

_Duncan looks ashamed for a minute as if he hadn't even thought of her._

Veronica: We need to make peace with both of them for us to be able to move on and be happy together. They need to understand why we broke up and why that reason no longer exists.

Duncan: You're right of course.

Veronica: In the meantime, why don't we start out slowly?

_Duncan gives her a look as if he already knows he isn't going to like what she has to say._

Veronica: Let's hang out as friends until we've been able to talk with Meg and Logan.

Duncan: O.K. I'll agree to that for now. But let's try to talk to them this week.

**Present**

_Veronica is still lying in bed looking up at the ceiling._

Veronica: (V/O) Logan. It's been 2 ½ months since I've seen him. He took off after everything went down. I can't blame him. I've called him countless times. He must be sick of seeing my name on his phone as a missed call. I've never left a message because what could I possibly say?

Veronica: (V/O) Duncan finds time to spend with me everyday even if I'm working. Of course he broke up with Meg. I guess she saw it coming. He said she took it well. But I've never been able to have closure with Logan. Duncan says it's been long enough and that we need to move on. He's probably right. When I am with Duncan I feel safe and loved and cherished. It feels…stable, comfortable, normal...not wild and reckless. So why do I keep having dreams about Logan?

Knock! Knock!

_Veronica answers the door in her pajamas and robe._

Veronica: Duncan.

Duncan: You don't look ready to go yet.

Veronica: Sorry. Overslept. I'll be ready in a few. Make yourself at home.

_Veronica goes to get ready while Duncan searches around her kitchen for stuff to make coffee._

Duncan: (Talking loudly so that she can hear him from her room) You are working way too hard. We barely have any time together and when we do, you always have to leave early for a case or something.

Veronica: (yelling from her room) I'm sorry but my dad and I were really set back when he was in the hospital.

Duncan: I know, I know. I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

Veronica: (coming in and looking ready) Well today you have me all to yourself.

_Veronica walks over and puts her arms around Duncan and kisses him but right before he deepens the kiss she playfully dodges him. He gives a dramatic sigh._

Veronica: Let me just finish getting all the stuff I need for the beach.

Duncan: Make sure you bring a warm change of clothes for the party tonight.

Veronica: (V/O) The end of summer 09er party. Yeah! Duncan keeps taking me to these things hoping everything will be like it was before but the 09ers just ignore me and we pretend like they aren't. The hardest part is seeing Meg. I never wanted to hurt her. At least we are going to spend the day together – just the two of us.

**10:00 p.m.**

_Wallace and Veronica are standing on the outskirts of the party. Duncan is standing near the keg laughing with a friend. Meg appears and she and Duncan awkwardly say Hi. _

Wallace: Hey Veronica, I think that new girl over there was looking at me!

Veronica: Well Fennel, you quit your talking and get over there. Go on! I don't want you over here babysitting me anyway. Duncan will be back in a minute.

_As Wallace walks away Veronica scans the crowd for Duncan and sees that he and Meg are having a heated discussion. Her phone rings and as she looks at the display she is surprised to see it is Weevil._

Veronica: Hey Eli. To what do I owe the pleasure?

Weevil: Well I didn't know you was lookin for pleasure but now that I do…

Veronica: Hey, you called me.

Weevil: V, your boys back and he's drunk off his ass trying to start a fight. I'm keeping things under control but I don't know how long I can keep my guys off him.

Veronica: (V/O) Did someone just punch me in the stomach because I can't breathe.

Weevil: V, what do you want me to do about Rich boy?

Veronica: Where are you?

Weevil: We're about 5 fire pits away from you, lifeguard station 22. (beat) Yeah I saw you here.

Veronica: I'll be there in one minute.

_Veronica searches for Wallace and Duncan but she can't see either one of them in the crowd of party goers. She starts running towards lifeguard station 22. When she gets there Logan is face down in the sand._

Veronica: I thought you were going to wait for me!

Weevil: Relax V. He just passed out.

_Weevil gets some of his boys to load Logan into the passenger seat of his car. Veronica reaches in his pocket and gets out his keys. _

Veronica: Thanks for calling me.

Weevil: I owed him one.

Veronica: Since when?

Weevil: That night when you were being burned alive, I found Logan on the Coronado Bridge trying to off himself.

Veronica: (barely a whisper) Oh my God!

Weevil: Yeah well I had other plans for him. We got him off the bridge and roughed him up a bit before taking him home and dumping him on his front lawn. I didn't find out until the morning about Lily and his dad. So tonight when he came looking for a fight, I didn't feel like it.

Veronica: Thanks anyway.

Veronica: (V/O) I didn't think there was any possible way I could feel worse. I ran out on him, lied to him, turned in evidence against him to the police, accused him of rape and murder, and got him beaten up by a biker gang. This is why I don't let myself think about it, because there is no possible way for me to ever make up for all that.

Veronica: (V/O) I never went looking for him. This whole summer I never looked for him because I was afraid! If I would have known he was suicidal…I honestly don't know what I would have done.

_Veronica gets out her cell and dials Duncan's cell. She is happy that it goes straight to voicemail. _

Veronica: Duncan, Hi it's me. I had to leave the beach party. Logan's home. He was here at the beach wasted. He passed out and I'm driving him home. I'll take his car home and go back in the morning to hopefully talk to him. I don't want you to worry about me. I'll call you first thing in the morning.

_When they get to Logan's house he wakes up enough to get inside and fall on the couch. Veronica searches until she finds a pillow and a blanket from his room. When she puts the pillow under his head he stirs and looks at her like she is a dreaded disease._

Logan: Veronica! What are you doing here?

Veronica: Trying to keep you from getting a DUI.

Logan: I hate you Veronica Mars! I hate you almost as much as I hate this house.

Veronica: (V/O) Great! Just so we're clear. What did you expect Veronica?

Veronica: I know. I was just leaving.

_As Veronica finishes putting the blanket on him she turns to leave. He grabs her hand._

Logan: Don't leave.

Veronica: (V/O) I can't breathe again. He said that with his eyes closed. Maybe he's talking in his sleep.

Logan: (squeezing her hand) I can't stand to wake up here alone.

Veronica: Logan, It's me. You are not going to want me here in the morning.

Logan: (whispering) Please. Don't like to wake up alone.

Veronica: (V/O) Breathe Veronica, Breathe!

Veronica: O.K. I'll stay. But don't say I didn't warn you.

_He visibly relaxed but he wouldn't let go of her hand. So she lay down on the floor next to the couch still holding his hand.She takes out her phone and turns it off._

**A few hours later**

_Sometime in the middle of the night she felt someone slip a pillow under her head and put a blanket on top of her but she was so exhausted that she couldn't open her eyes. She hadn't slept this hard in months!_

_When she finally woke up it was just starting to get light outside. She was on the floor at Logan's house with a pillow, a blanket and arms wrapped around her. It took her a moment to remember. She rolls over and looks at Logan's sleeping face. Somehow in the night he came to be sleeping on the floor with her. _

Veronica: (V/O) I know I need to get out of here before he wakes up. But I just want a few more minutes like this. I know this will be the last time anything like this happens. I wonder if he'll even remember who brought him home.

Veronica: Oh, Logan.

Veronica: (V/O) I didn't mean to say that out loud. It's a good thing I didn't wake you up!

_Veronica leans over and very softly places a chaste kiss on his lips. Although his eyes remain closed, he tightens his hold on her and deepens the kiss. Logan's eyes open and he whispers her name before kissing her again. All of a sudden Veronica snaps. She throws her arms around him and kisses him with everything she has in her. Next they are frantically ripping each others clothes off and making love in a desperate way. She keeps saying his name as if to make sure he is really there. It is passionate and beautiful and everything Veronica ever thought it could be. Afterward they just hold each other tightly knowing the magic is going to end soon and not wanting to acknowledge it. Logan feels tears silently streaming on his chest and looks down to see what is wrong._

Logan: What is it? Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to hurt you, baby. I've never been so crazy for someone before.

_Veronica can't speak but the tears are really coming now._

Logan: Veronica say something!

_Then all of a sudden Logan gets very stiff and pulls away._

Logan: Jeez Veronica, you could at least have the decency to pretend that you don't already have regrets. You might want to leave before you start blaming me! And by the way, I'm the one who gets the "I was so wasted – excuse"!

_Veronica is starting to get a little hysterical now. She's shouting._

Veronica: Regrets! Regrets! I don't have any regrets! This is what I wanted!

_She gets up and starts looking for her clothes that are tossed all over the room. Logan wraps the blanket around his waist._

Veronica: I'm upset because I've just realized how screwed up I really am. I'm back together with Duncan now. How am I going to explain this to him when I just told him yesterday that I'm not ready for a physical relationship? I can't bring myself to sleep with my boyfriend who loves me but I sure as hell can sleep with someone who "hates me a little less than this house"!

Logan: Veronica, I didn't mean that.

Veronica: Well you should have. How can you ever forgive me after what happened? I've been asking myself that question for 2 ½ months and I finally know the answer. You can't! And I can't forgive myself!

_Veronica is finished dressing and runs to the door and throws it open to an astonished Duncan. _

End


End file.
